Breaking Through

I tried out for the Glide Church gospel choir tonight!! - well, they don't turn anyone away, but just the fact that I had to get up on a stage to sing so it could be determined which group ~ soprano, alto, tenor, bass ~ to put me in was nerve-wracking enough all in itself. I'm an alto, proud and bellowing with the group, swaying, jigging with the choir, made for soul somewhere down deep waiting to be tapped into. They gave us sheets of words to follow with, but you're basically thrown in there, go with the flow, ebb and flow, learn on a curve, learn from others, you'll get it, you'll get it.

And what was the first song we sang together but "Golden" by Jill Scott, the last song in the credits for the movie "Beauty Shop" that I picked up last weekend, that song stuck in my head and I stole a quote from the song for an earlier blog.

[Intro:]
Heyyy, Ohh, Heyyy, Yeah, Ohh, Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeahhhh

[Verse 1]
I'm taking my freedom,
Pulling it off the shelf,
Putting it on my chain,
Wear it around my neck,
I'm taking my freedom,
Putting it in my car,
Wherever I choose to go,
It will take me far,

[Chorus]
I'm livin' my life like it's golden
Livin' my life like it's golden, [X3]
Livin' my life like it's golden, golden,
Livin' my life like it's golden, [X4]
Livin' my life like it's golden, golden,

[Verse 2]
I'm taking my own freedom
Putting it in my song,
Singing loud and strong,
Grooving all day long,
I'm taking my freedom,
Putting it in my stroll,
I'll be high-steppin' y'all,
Letting the joy unfold,

[Chorus]

I'm holding on to my freedom,
Can't take it from me,
I was born into it,
It comes naturally,
I'm strumming my own freedom,
Playing the god in me,
Representing his glory,
Hope he's proud of me,

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
I'm living my life like its golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, [X2]

[Chorus]

[Jill Scott:]
Livin' my life like it's golden,
It really matters to me, Ohhh

[Bridge X5]

I was filled with something extraordinary tonight because trying out for the Glide Church choir has always been something I wanted to do, singing in harmony with a large choir, a multi-cultural choir that is so far-reaching, letting it allllll out, and I did it, I'm in, I'm going to stick it out and excel, perform, be, just be, loving it, absolutely LOVING it.

Brilliant San Francisco

I had a mini presentation to give in Larkspur this afternoon, and what a gorgeous drive across the orange-red Golden Gate Bridge towards Marin County! People were enjoying the afternoon sun, blue blue skies and blue blue waters, the San Francisco skyline, smiling bikers, boats, windsurfers were all out to shine on the day. I did my thing, had an early dinner with a glass of wine in a Corte Madera outdoor mall Italian deli, tried to walk straight through the shopping center, hee hee, bought things I don't really really need. And the drive back across the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco was equally brilliantly beautiful! It took my breath away as I made my way through the tunnel leading into the City with the brightness of the Golden Gate Bridge peaking through, such a contrast to the blue sun-drenched sky. Damn, why didn't I bring my camera! But no, then I wouldn't have been able to enjoy it all as much as I did. Another crisp sunny day in San Francisco that makes me so happy I live here!

GG texted me today, "My love, I want you. I want to come to the U.S. NOW! See you soon!" Hah? Is he serious? Fly your Italian buttee over here before I implode! ;)

No Visa for You!

Going to the Consulate General of Brasil for my Brasilian Visa today reminded me of the soup kitchen episodes on "Seinfeld". I took a number "34" from the machine counter, the lady behind the glass windows was on number "30", and I took a seat. I was prepared with my Visa application, passport-sized photos, money order, itinerary and passport all together, all in order because if I didn't have everything, then I'd have to come back a 3rd time (I went a couple weeks ago but needed the address of the hotels where I'll be staying in Brasil for my application, and I also needed a money order for $100 since cash and checks are no longer accepted). Didn't want that.

Most of the people before me succeeded at turning in their paperwork as appropriate for their forthcoming Visa, but there were a few who were turned away, told they needed more documentation, made to wait a little longer, "No soup for you!" or "No Visa for you!" (she didn't say that, but those who didn't succeed, walked out with their head hanging low like those customers on "Seinfeld" who didn't get their soup). She yelled at a lady for trying to finagle her way through having a birth certificate that didn't match the name on her passport. "You Americans do whatever you like here, but NOT in Brasil!" Oooook, hee hee, it was almost comical, but I knew I couldn't laugh, she'd remember me and hurt me later. Ha! I thought to myself, if I just follow the protocol and have everything prepared, I'll be in and out of here with my Visa ready in a week. Greet her with a smile, don't look her in the eye too long, don't fidget too much, give her everything she needs to put my paperwork through, plain and simple.

34! OK! I sprang to my feet! I greeted her with a smile, she smiled back. I sat down and neatly laid everything out for her to plainly see and access. She inspected my application with hawk eyes looking for errors and reasons to send me away. "I will need your itinerary." Ok, I brought it along just in case, woo, thank goodness I did. She checked off my flights in and around Brasil, my hotels, my plans, my life - hee hee, dramatics inserted here. I shifted in my seat ever so slightly so as not to give her the sense I was being impatient. She wrote me a receipt for my money order, took out my passport and compared it to my application and itinerary, placed my passport together with my paperwork and yelled out, "Come back Thursday for your Visa!"

I was finished? I passed? Oh what a sigh of relief. With a big smile on my face, I skipped out of the office. Obrigado! Thank you! I will have my Visa (soup) soon! :)

Highlights and Bob

I had my hair done today complete with some lovely highlights and a shorter chin-length bob. I needed a substantial change to help lighten my demeanor and to make me look different from every other Asian girl, one in particular - oh get over it, Jesus, lighten up - heheh. I just hope my wild and crazy Japanese hair and cowlicks don't end up in a tizzy frizzy mess. We shall see ~ change is good for me right now.

Reverie In Open Air

I acknowledge my status as a stranger;
Inappropriate clothes, odd habits
Out of sync with wasp and wren.
I admit I don't know how
To sit still or move without purpose.
I prefer books to moonlight, statuary to trees.

But this lawn has been leveled for looking,
So I kick off my sandals and walk its cool green.
Who claims we're mere muscle and fluids?
My feet are the primitives here.
As for the rest--ah, the air now
Is a tonic of absence, bearing nothing
But news of a breeze.

- Rita Dove (b. 1952)

~ It's a gorgeous day here in San Francisco. I'm going to go outside and enjoy it. G'day!

The Great Comforter

He called at the right time, opened that door right back up bravely despite what I said, despite my turret's message that shot daggers meant for him but spawned by so much more than just the target, which was unfortunately him. He doesn't hold onto grudges, thank goodness and deciphered my phone number even though he initially scratched it off and wrote me off. Persistence brought him here. Presence, words of comfort and sincerity, he listened to my irrationalities and helped me see my ridiculousness with a giggle, truth be told, words of reason and...touch to the hand, to the head, to the...he comforted me the best way he knew how, a sense of satisfaction, familiar, joy in it all, and a smile on my face that appeared for the first time this week without a mask of force and sheer will. Thank you for your wonderful efforts to fix me, you knew I needed you somehow.

Living my life like it's golden.

Keep It Simple

This week hasn't been the happiest since we had to put my beloved doggie Pepe down, but I'm dealing with it in my own way.

* Get in the sunshine. However way you can, find it, walk in it, sit in it. It happened to be a beautiful day here in San Francisco so I went out and soaked the sun in.
* Smile even if you don't want to. People react to your smile and smile back. Greet them, and they'll greet you back making you feel connected again to the world and mankind.
* Tell people what you're going through, tell them why you're probably not going to be yourself today. It's life, everyone comes up against death. And if anyone's had a pet, they have a story and can possibly relate. Share and they'll understand.
* Get an iced mocha or something that will make you happy. You deserve a treat once in awhile. This is a good time.
* Sit in a park with people, kids and dogs. There's a little park up the street on California where people unwind after a day at work with a book, with other dog fans, with their kids in the little playground. It was a little hard to bear for me watching the cute little dogs frolick but it made me smile a little.
* Get religious. I'm not particularly religious, Buddhist as a child, sort of Christian believing now without going to church. I missed the evening services at the majestic Grace Cathedral, but I took a moment to sit in the pews to have a moment of quiet and peace looking up at the beautiful stain-glassed windows, the colors, the images. After everyone had gone, I walked to the front of the pews and said a little prayer for Pepe's soul and spirit~*
* Swing. On a swing in a playground like you did as a child. Feel the breeze and let the swing take you out of your element for awhile. Bring back the innocence of your childhood as you swing back and forth, then let the swing go with a smile to a real waiting child.
* Feel it. This too shall pass. It'll be all right.

Flight Patterns - Southern CA

8/22 Southwest flight # 763 leaves OAK 8:15 PM arrives ONT 9:30 PM
8/23 Southwest flight # 1028 leaves ONT 7:55 PM arrives OAK 9:05 PM

I Feel the Magic - by Belinda Carlisle

Last night I gave up on myself
I hit the bed, tell me what should I do
And in a dream I saw your face

It's more than just a face
You make me want to give my heart away

I feel the magic
Like I never felt before
I imagine that it's always been there
I feel the magic
There's an angel looking after me
Angel baby give me more and more

Today I woke up by myself
I hit the streets I wondered what should I do
I never noticed from the start
That I could feel alive again
That I could feel a part of

I feel the magic
Like I never felt before
I imagine that it's always been there
I feel the magic
There's an angel looking after me
Angel baby give me more and more
 
~ GG, you warm my heart. Te quiero mucho. Kiss Kiss KISS.

Coldplay Takes Off to Fly

I have a couple of Coldplay's CDs, but seeing them live in concert raises the effects of their music to a whole other level. Standing on the lawn at the Mountain View Shoreline Amphitheatre watching the incandescent light and spirit of Coldplay, I felt like I had my arms spread winglike perched on a mountaintop with the wind blowing through me through my spirit letting me be free. Speed of light, striking of Chris Martin's piano keys, his voice that soothes and lifts - it felt like flying. Martin's charm and wit with that English sort of dry humor, light personality, his plays to the audience, stopping the music to make funny quips all carried the show up and Up and UP to the skies under the stars and the bright shining moon. Unforgettable and so loved.~*

My Grandma's Scarves

My Grandma O. was a wonderful, happy-go-lucky spirit. I miss her smile and laugh and jibber jabber stories of her childhood that were often repeated over and over again as we rolled our eyes, "When I was a girl, all I did was play play play"...she was a beautiful person and an expert at crocheting. The intricate doilies she made during her younger days were made of such fine stitching, such eye to detail and what love and joy with every twist and turn of her needle. As she got older and her eyes became a little weaker, her stitches became wider using yarn rather than paper-thin thread. When I moved up to the Bay Area, she would knit me scarves in all different colors everytime I came home. "Oh, it's cold in San Francisco. I make Maile another scarf." Red, white, yellow, blue, green, whatever color she was using at that time. I remember telling her, "Grandma, it's ok, you made me enough scarves. You remember, you made me one the last time I came home?" Nevermind, she crocheted away, a way to keep her hands busy, keep her mind going, keep her happy that she was making something I could enjoy and use. If only she was here to make me another scarf...she passed away some three years ago.

I went to the Top of the Mark last night all bundled up, Grandma's red scarf around my neck. In all the hubbub of dancing, talking and mingling around the room, I misplaced my red knitted scarf sometime during the night and didn't realize it til I was home snug as a bug in a rug in bed. I quickly called the Mark Hopkins Hotel to see if they found it..."It was made by my Grandma". The front desk guy said, "Oh you don't want to lose that... we'll look for it." They did and they found it - thank goodness, the red one is my favorite one too. I went by Mark Hopkins this morning to pick it up. The housekeeping lost and found ladies nicely folded it for me and the front desk guy brought it back to me. "It was made by my Grandma. She put lots of love in each of the scarves she made for me." Just for me. It was quite cool and windy in San Francisco this morning, so I wrapped the scarf around my neck and skipped on my way. Everytime I wear one of my Grandma's scarves I feel her love coming down to wrap around me. Sleep tight, Grandma, we miss you~*

I Melt with You - by Modern English

Moving forward using all my breath
Making love to you was never second best
I saw the world thrashing all around your face
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
There's nothing you and I won't do
I'll stop the world and melt with you

(you should know better)
Dream of better lives the kind which never hate
(you should see why)
Dropped in the state of imaginary grace
(you should know better)
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race
(you should see why)
What I'm comprehending a race that long gone bye

(I'll stop the world) I'll stop the world and melt with you
(I'll stop the world) you've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
(let's stop the world) there's nothing you and I won't do
(let's stop the world) I'll stop the world and melt with you

The future's open wide
(let's stop the world) I'll stop the world and melt with you
(let's stop the world) I've seen some changes but it's getting better all the time
(let's stop the world) there's nothing you and I won't do
(let's stop the world) I'll stop the world and melt with you

The future's open wide

Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm
Hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm

I'll stop the world and melt with you (let's stop the world)
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time (let's stop the world)
There's nothing you and I won't do (let's stop the world)

I'll stop the world and melt with you (let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you (let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and melt with you (let's stop the world)

~ GG, I'll stop the world and melt with you! The future IS open wide. :)

Salsa at the Top of the Mark

My new neighbor friend Shannon and I went to the San Francisco Top of the Mark tonight on a whim to try salsa dancing lessons. I have a salsa DVD, but taking a live lesson is a little different and much more fun. They put us in the center of the circle since we were late as we followed the female half of the teaching duo - so fun! I have the salsa groove but I definitely don't have the moves yet. There were lots of people there who had the moves but no groove. Can we learn to have both? Eventually, we shall see.

San Francisco's Beauty on MUNI

When I took the MUNI train to the CD release party last Friday night during the latter part of the going-home commuting hours, I took in my surroundings appreciating the multi-cultural rainbow of diversity that is one of the many reasons why I love San Francisco. In the small space of my train car alone, there were people of African, Latin, Asian, European, Indian, Arabic roots sitting next to each other, solo, in couples, in small groups, reading the paper, contemplating the day, passing time all in one place as the train bumped along its way. Absolutely fabulous, how boring it would be to live in any kind of homogeneous society. San Francisco! - there is nowhere I'd rather be right now.

"Visions of Sicily" on PBS

I happened to catch this show tonight. A helicoptor with cameras perched on top glides through the beautiful, green, rustic land of Sicily, where my GG's roots originate. Within a couple feet of my 19 inch TV screen, I felt like I was hanggliding over the visionistic journey myself, feeling the wind on my face - such richness in the land, architecture, even in the ruins, such dramatic history, bridges that seemingly touch the sky, that blue blue Mediterranean - Fantastic! Gardens, farmland, vineyards, stone walls are so purposely planted and constructed to reflect the heart of the land and people. I see what makes GG in all of it - his humbleness, ingenuity and strength. It made me plunk down the $60 to support PBS and to selfishly receive the DVD so I can enjoy Sicily's beauty at anytime. Ciao, mi amore!

I Remember Everything

4 months ago, 3 days and 3 nights, seems like forever and a day ago - but the memories are alive and kicking in my head, my heart, all of me. I remember everything, everything down to the last detail, colors, feelings, freeness, in expression in every way possible. He remembers too, oh he remembers, and being the artist that he is, I'm sure his imagination takes him farther than most. His. I'm only his. Songs take on new meaning, stories of love and the insurmountable make me smile and cry all in one clean sweep, when I sing a deeper release of feeling is given like I want my voice to reach him. I look for movies with stories about a girl love forlorn on the brink of giving up on the whole idea of it, took a vacation to Costa Rica, found the love of her life in a sweet, cute Italian man born exactly a year before her with brown eyes that lovingly broke her open allowing her to let go of everything everyone before him, let go of fear, he changed her whole inner being, her soul and gave light and love to her inner beauty waiting to be discovered by someone like him. She could be with him forever, start anew, the story goes on bound by nothing. This is her story. This is my story.

Feeling the Road to Gilroy

It felt good driving today to Gilroy for work to help support one of my co-workers - down the 280, 85, 101 and back, 160 miles roundtrip, smelling that Gilroy garlic scent in the air, like flying a plane down and up because there wasn't any traffic during the hours I was hurtling at 80+ mph. Good drive flipping my CDs - Beck, Diana Krall, Michelle Branch and the Police, good weather, windows open on the way back. Yes.

Flight Patterns - Initiation

In light of the Helios flight tragedy today and seeing images of the mothers' pain of not knowing if their loved ones were on that specific flight, when I travel, I would like to list my flight itinerary here on my Thoughts in Flight page under this same title "Flight Patterns" on or around the date that I travel. I don't fly as much as I used to, but I would not want my mom to wonder if I was on a tragic flight ever. I don't always have time to let her know my flight itinerary, but I would hope someone would let her know for certain if anything were to happen to me. It might seem a bit morbid, but it's with good intentions.

Mi Amor, I Love You

GG emailed me in response to a slightly worried email from me that I might not ever see him as his return trip to Costa Rica from Italy was postponed once again, once again postponing his trip here to San Francisco to see me. He expressed such sweet concern back, truth, love and a plead for my patience and love in return. Awwww...my love, ok, my sweet, ok ok.

"...Ciao, mi amor. Oigo lo que tu dice, mi amor....Y sí, es muy difícil que el corazón tenga también una relación de larga distancia. Parece para siempre desde que duro le vio y sentía su toque, pero tengo las memorias que tengo contigo cierran a mí. Recuerdo todo. Y seré paciente para ti, mi amor, porque yo se sienten que lo que you and I tiene es muy especial. Esperaré pacientemente para ti, Giuliano...

Te quiero mucho, GG (Esto es lo que yo le llamo con mucho cariño). :) Sea feliz y la sonrisa, mi amor. Tu tiene mi corazón siempre. Kiss Kiss Kiss."

Translation, please (Love always sounds better in Spanish):

"Ciao, my love. I hear what you are saying, my love. ...Yes, it is very difficult for my heart to have a long distance love too. It seems like forever since I last saw you and felt your touch, but I hold the memories I have with you close to me. I remember everything. And I will be patient for you, my love, because I feel what you and I have is very special. I will wait patiently for you, Giuliano..

I love you, GG (this is what I call you with lots of affection). :) Be happy and smile, my love. You have my heart, always. Kiss Kiss Kiss."

Love,
Maile

Perfectly Imperfect and Loving It

Today was my 3rd singing class with Vernon Bush and 20+ singing classmates. After the success of Vernon's CD release party on Friday night, the air was light and happy, happy for him and his 10 years of hard work come to fruition. He had us do an exercise in improvisation using a song he quickly taught us about believing that you have everything you need to succeed and it will come.

Classmates volunteered to lead the group clapping and singing to the song, fears conquered of being vulnerable, making mistakes, singing off tune, all those critical voices that naturally surface in everyone's head ~ being perfectly imperfect. Four individuals volunteered, faired well and were jubilant from the experience, instant growth and letting down of guards. Each were asked how they felt after volunteering and then after they completed their piece - nervousness, dizzy, happy they volunteered, adrenaline pumping, hearts a-pounding. Vernon wanted one more volunteer...my hand shot up before I knew what happened. Vernon was shocked and pleased because I hardly said a peep during the last two classes and he beamed at a new person putting herself out there.

Fear slowly took over...he asked me how I felt, and I exclaimed, "OHMYGOD" (what did I just do)! It's getting hot in here, I'm sweaty, somebody open the window. Hee hee, the class laughed with me. Ok, clap, clap, stomp, clap, I started the song soft-voiced at first growing stronger and the room followed. Vernon asked me to improvise, add my own punch and pitch, I did my best, he told me to keep going - exhilarating, freeing and ooo, still hot in here. But I got through it! Sweaty and so happy that I stepped up and conquered something so deep inside that it's hard to explain. Smiles and exuberance that I faced that feat, little for some, huge for me! Perfectly imperfect, so what, it was me, singing, adrenaline and heart pumping to no end ~ such joy at sharing my voice, confidence building in every which way!!!!

Drops of Jupiter - by Train

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey
 
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
 
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there
 
Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey
 
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land
 
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
 
Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me
 
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
 
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself

Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day...
Did you fall for a shooting star...a shooting star....

And are you lonely looking for yourself out there...

~ Belted out this song on the side highways of Philadelphia suburbs in my rented Mustang some five years ago.

Out Tonight

I don't go out much because, well, I'm old(er), but tonight was the CD release party for my singing teacher Vernon Bush at the Cafe du Nord here in San Francisco, and since his classes via the Glide Church are free, this was the perfect opportunity to give back. What a wonderful happy spirit Vernon is with undeniable incandescent beaming joy at sharing his love for music, voice, so contagious uplifting his audience with empowerment. When he took the stage, his smile could melt any hardened heart and his gentle eye contact seemed to reach out to everyone in the audience, a true performer who opens his heart and soul to all and makes you feel included, part of the ride. We sure enjoyed it, Vernon ~ I bought your CD to keep the ride going.
Thank you.

Mood Swing Love

I love him.
Te quiero.
I give up.
No...
Sweet.
Too sweet to give up.
Argh.

Where's the wine and distraction when I need it?

Through the Music

It was weird but everywhere I went this evening, I heard music that literally spoke to me - on my car radio, over the loudspeakers in the gym, shuffled songs on my iPod. Song lyrics said not to give up, re-evaluate, don't hastily say good-bye to true love, patience, wait a little longer - coincidentally in many voices, in all kinds of music genres, in softer tones in the gym where they usually blast high-bass booming music. Ok, ok, I'm listening, I hear you, I won't give up. Suddenly, my spirits lifted.

Swimming to Fly

I brought my bathing suit along on my trip to Seattle the other day because I knew the hotel (I used to call this Lake Union hotel my second home as I was flying to Seattle every 6-8 weeks for work years ago) had a pool. I had the pool area all to myself for a full 45 minutes. I did laps and swam like a fish back and forth, side to side, up and down.

Swimming, especially in a pool where there's nothing to bite me, is the closest thing to flying to me ~ such freedom as I glide through the water like the fish I think I was in a past life, push off the side, feel the gentle forces around me as I make like a bullet through the pool blue water. Floating on my back envisioning riding an innertube down a calm cool river in the country under a bright sun. Diving down deep in the silence of the softly gurgling water, a true getaway from everything on the earth's surface that troubles me.

Not a care in the world, fly like an eagle, swim like a dolphin. Loved it. Then I dripped dripped pad padded down the hall and up the elevator to my home away from home. Ahhh - make the best of it, always.

Airport Shuttle Wisdom

I have been a long-time customer of a certain green van airport shuttle. Over the years, there were a few regular drivers that I got into talks with especially on my way home from one of my many many travels - they've confirmed my feelings, they've listened to me complain about my back-then constant travels, my work, they've opened my eyes to what's good in my life that I wasn't seeing, and they've helped me see things from their perspective - another view from what was just stuck stagnant in my head.

Through my travels, through these guys, I always give props to those whom I meet along the way no matter where they come from, socio-economic status, occupation, whatever because some of the most wisest people I've talked to who really get life are the taxi drivers, the airport shuttle guys, the cleaning women, security guards - you've no idea what stories they have, what life they've seen, what innate joy they glean from human nature. Gems of people are everywhere if you take the time out to let the words flow and congregate.

Crazy Dreams to Sing

I want to try out for the play "Rent" as "Mimi". She's supposed to be Puerto Rican and 19, but that's ok, I can still dream. I have the soundtrack and I belt out every so often to her main songs "Light My Candle" and "Out Tonight". Hee hee. I want to sing for the San Francisco Glide Church gospel choir. I've always wanted to sing for a choir even though I'm not terribly religious or even whole-heartedly get what the songs are about. Just the thought of harmoniously singing with a group of people together, altos, sopranos, tone deaf. And an even crazier dream is to sing a solo in front of a full congregation. Dreams are dreams ~ some come true, some you make come true, some will always be out there to make you smile about bigger and better things in life - we'll just have to see. :)

Meditative Zen State

It's a Monday morning, and even though I have a bucketload of work to do this week, a quick work trip to Seattle tomorrow, I'm feeling zen right now. Last week was hard, feeling destructive and endlessly beyond frustrated with so much inside that I was busting at the seams. But music, time, wine, singing, hitting pedal to the metal on a mini roadtrip to Point Reyes and an Aloha Festival here in San Francisco that grounded my running feet all pulled me through, and now I'm all right. Maile's back! :)

Check it out @ "Ciao Tinkerbella"

Click on the "Ciao Tinkerbella" flight of thought link. Tammy, my good friend, so much like a sister and my computer stylist, helped me really spiff it up. Mahalo again, Tammy!

Ciao Tinkerbella

"One reason for writing, of course, is that no one's written what you want to read." - Philip Larkin

"Broken Flowers" Changed My Colors

The new Bill Murray indie film left me scratching my head, but there were many moments of quintessential genious comedic timing and eye expression like no other by Mr. Murray. After this movie, I had the sudden urge to change my pink blog template to this star-studded one that is more fitting for my "Thoughts of Flight" theme. If you see the movie, you'll know why.

These Words - by Natasha Bedingfield

These words are my own
Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
It's who I am, it's what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you
I try to focus my attention
But I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration
(But it's not coming easily)
Whoah oh...

Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don't you know, don't you know, don't you know?
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

Read some Byron, Shelly and Keats
Resited in over a Hip-Hop beat
I'm having trouble saying what I mean
With dead poets and drum machines
I know I had some studio time booked
But I couldn't find a killer hook
Now you're gonna raise the bar right up
Nothing I write is ever good enough

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

I'm getting off my stage
The curtains pull away
No hyper bowl to hide behind
My naked soul exposes
Whoah.. oh.. oh.. oh.. whoah.. oh..

Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later

These words are my own
From my heart flow
(Don't you know)
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you I love you

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
(There's no better way)
To better say
I love you I love you

These words are my own
They're from my heart
I love you, I love you
That's all I got to say, can't think of a better way
And that's all I got to say
I love you, is that okay...

~ Maile should be working right now!! ;) I saw the video for this song before I actually heard the words and rhythm. It took place in Rio where I'll be next month. I saw that familiar Sugar Loaf Mountain, and it caught my attention. Then, I heard the song and it caught on.

Bacio "Kiss" from Perugina Italian Chocolates

The message inside the Italian chocolate kiss I picked up today says:

Questa notte sei stata la mia luna.

You shine in my heart like the moon in the night sky.

Esta noche has sido mi luna.

Esta noite vocé foi a minha lua.

Cette nuit tu es été ma lune.

- Anonimo

~ To my GG! :)

Step for Step Forward then Onward

I took to the road to Sacramento yesterday for work, and a new colleague of mine joined me to observe and learn. We got to talking and realized we had a lot in common, in what we went through in the past with work and life, where we are now and where we want to go. We both ended up in this industry by pure happy accident, worked our ways up from being assistants, learning the ropes through wondrous mentors, then moving on to get more experience on our own, ready to fly, traveled the country over nonstop to a point of burnout. Looking back, we wonder how we did that?

Now we're older, more seasoned, travel less, and we like it like that, can't go back to that constant jetsetting lifestyle as fun as it was for that time point in our lives. Our steps in life are still ever-changing and our priorities rotate and switch. We want something more out of life, a business of our own, out of corporate eventually into a world that is ours, maybe move across the country for her, maybe move out of the country for me. This is good for now though, and we are both grateful for what we went through, the similar paths we took, our resilience, and where this will all take us in due time. So nice to sit and talk and hear someone voice exactly how you look at life, don't sweat the small stuff, life'll work out for itself, and we are looking forward to our futures bright-eyed with anticipation.

"People see me
I'm a challenge to your balance
I'm over your heads
How I confound you and astound you
To know I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as you can see you can offer me
No explanation"

4th Postcard from My GG!

What joy I feel seeing a postcard from my love waiting for me in my mailbox! This time this postcard is from Salerno, Italy - truly a beautiful city of lights and water. Absolutely gorgeous! How cute and thoughtful that he drew a tiny map of Italy to show me where he is in relation to Milan, his hometown. Still with every word, so much care in what he says - I can picture him huddled over my postcard perhaps at an Italian cafe with a steaming espresso on the counter beside him, sun gleaming outside in through the window. He is getting ready to make his way back to Costa Rica to live and begin to work, he thinks of me everyday and misses me, his amor, his piccolla - oh my sweet, so cute. He must be tired from his journey home, and is ready to come back to his new home where there is so much he wants to do and accomplish.

This morning, I aimlessly drove through the Golden Gate Park after a bit of work, exploring, realizing there is so much to see and experience in this City of mine. I came back to my home office slammed with work, I'm in demand, and now I am mentoring new colleagues through the system, how quickly the tables turn. It feels good to have come this far and covered this much ground. This is the way to get me through the month, keep me busy, keep the days going, getting one day closer to seeing my love again to see this all come to fruition as I imagine it all to be and I know, I know is true. In the meantime, I try to enjoy the day, the beautiful weather we've been having, I drove down the crooked Lombard Street with the tourists after an evening at the gym. What a beautiful night, wonderful view of the City, Coit Tower and everything below. There is beauty to be had and enjoyed all around. GG will see it soon too when he gets here.

"...Just what I asked for, you're so loving and kind"

Crickets at Dawn

All night the crickets chirp,
Like little stars of twinkling sound
In the dark silence.

They sparkle through the summer stillness
With a crisp rhythm:
They lift the shadows on their tiny voices.

But at the shining note of birds that wake,
Flashing from tree to tree till all the woods is lit -
O golden coloratura of dawn! -
The cricket-stars fade slowly,
One by one.

- Leonora Speyer (1872-1956)

Jack and the Great TV Escape

I ran into a rough spot missing GG, but shared pangs of hardship with Jack and a plethora of TV entertainment (and a couple glasses of wine) got me through it. Watching a model/want-to-be-caterer on Recipe for Success grow into her dreams of being a healthy food caterer, seemingly fall to failure and then shoot out as a success story answering her every dream awoke the drive in me. Feeling through the TV screen what an Austin Real-Worlder endured at hearing that his mother died of a heart attack that day on Valentine's Day brought out choking tears that made me forget any torn feelings I had in an instant as this is the day we all fear. Laughing through remaining tears at the silliness of the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's "fab five" uplifted me back up again. Thank you, thank you, I'm going to be fine.

Singing Your Soul

I'm taking some free singing lessons via the Glide Church with San Francisco singing icon Vernon Bush - I know! Totally out there! But I do love to sing in the shower, in the car - hardly anyone hears me croon except me, myself and I (and maybe my mom and my neighbors when I don't think they can hear me).

Our next assignment is to pick a song that speaks to us to sing in front of Vernon and our classmates (ooo, hear my knees knocking), and then learn its lyrics, break them down to truly understand what the artist is trying to convey. Vernon says singing is like sharing your soul and giving it a voice. What kind of music draws you? When you buy a CD, which songs do you gravitate to? Which artists do you relate to most? He says it all says something about you.

Hmmm...so I thought about it and scrolled through my iPod while at the gym today. Pat Benatar is an iconic female artist of the early 80s with a powerhouse voice radiating from her small frame ~ growing up, I always tried to match my voice with hers as if trying to feed off of her strength. Now that I've grown to have and hold my own strength, maybe now I can utilize one of her songs to convey what's inside of me.

Hit Me with Your Best Shot - by Pat Benatar

Well you're the real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
That's O.K., let's see how you do it
Put up your dukes, let's get down to it!

Hit me with your best shot!
Why don't you hit me with your best shot!
Hit me with your best shot!
Fire away!

You come on with a "come on", you don't fight fair
But that's O.K., see if I care!
Knock me down, it's all in vain
I'll get right back on my feet again!

Hit me with your best shot!
Why don't you hit me with your best shot!
Hit me with your best shot!
Fire away!

Well you're the real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case
You better make sure you put me in my place

Hit me with your best shot!
Why don't you hit me with your best shot!
Hit me with your best shot!
Fire away!

Perfect Monday Morning

I "slept in" until 8:30 this morning (I'm usually up at 7AM during the week as I work from home), turned on my personal computer to find an email from my love GG, and all of the sudden my morning was bright and sunshiny even though there is a light layer of fog hovering above the financial district buildings in my view. Smiles as I roughly translated his email in Spanish, love, love, love across the Atlantic from Italy where he is now. That's all it takes, a few words from him and my body and heart are sent in a flurry of happiness. :) I brewed a fresh pot of coffee, and then I decided to cook up some french toast and sausage for breakfast - he sends my energy levels up!

During quiet moments by myself when I don't hear from him for awhile, my feelings climb up on the fence and I become a little doubtful of it all. But the second I hear from him, that's all instantly erased *poof* and all is well again. I miss him so dearly, I remember the wonderful times he and I shared for 3 days in Costa Rica, and his sweetness and sincerity are heard and felt loud and clear through his telephone calls, emails, text messages and Italian postcards. As I told Connie, I feel full and complete from this relationship, and this is the first time I've ever felt this way compared to past relationships. I walk around town no longer empty and soul-less because someone out there loves me, cares about me and thinks about me everyday, as do I him. It's the most wonderful feeling!