Day Off for Daydreaming

Thank goodness for holidays and 3-day weekends. I think an official holiday each month should be implemented. We all need some respite, a day to just lay around to watch TV and DVD movies, no make-up, hair all over the place, no agenda, time to just sit and stand still. Even though it's nice outside, just having the shades all the way up, windows open is sufficient enough for me, I'm so tired. I'll live vicariously through the people I see walking around down below. Ok, maybe I'll jaunt down to Borders later, maybe, maybe not.

Sweet Graduation

It was a glorious beautiful sunny San Franciscan afternoon today as I attended a college graduation at San Francisco State for my good friend Mike. Even though future plans are uncertain, graduation is a celebration of all that is accomplished, all of the hard work put into studying, preparing, writing papers, growing academically and personally - a wonderful culminating celebration of all that is at that point in his life. I'm glad I was there to share it with him. As I navigated through the crowd searching for his father, looking for Mike in the sea of graduates, I saw his bright green distinctual dress shirt that had to be him, hugs, so proud so proud as I have seen him come so far since the time I met him way back when as he has taught my soul to fly in his own special way. Friends surrounded in the shared graduation experience, sun shining, blue sky, hats raised, tassles moved to signify a move forward and onward into the real world, into the unknown, into all that could be, possibility. Congratulations again, my friend, Mike! ~ you are bound by nothing. Espetus was amazing!!

Solitaire

When night drifts along the streets of the city,
And sifts down between the uneven roofs,
My mind begins to peek and peer.
It plays at ball in old, blue Chinese gardens,
And shakes wrought dice-ups in Pagan temples
Amid the broken flutings of white pillars.
It dances with purple and yellow crocuses in its hair,
And its feet shine as they flutter over drenched grasses.
How light and laughing my mind is,
When all the good folk have put out their bedroom candles,
And the city is still.

- Amy Lowell (1874-1925)

Ciao, Mi Amor

I received an email from mi amor today. I missed him so much after not hearing from him in a week as he was preparing to move to a new area in Costa Rica. I couldn't sleep, I could eat though, but I couldn't concentrate on anything. What is happening to me? Hee hee. "Te quiero, Kiss Kiss", he always writes. So sweet.

I watched Oprah last Monday when Tom Cruise exclaimed his love for Katie Holmes and he was jumping on the couch with arms raised, bending on one knee and pumping his fist because he's never felt like this about anyone in his life, not Nicole, not Penelope, Katie blew them out of the water. I was in Costa Rica when I saw Cruise and Holmes announce their courtship to the world while they were in Italy together, Tom Cruise looked completely enamored and taken smiling from ear to ear, my jaw hit the floor.

But, I could truly relate to his elatedness. You just can't explain it, it just happens and it fills you with this light inside out and a smile is plastered across your face for no apparent reason, just the thought of your amor makes your eyes sparkle and you become alive. Giuliano said he always thinks of our time spent together. Me too, and I'm waiting for the day when I can see him again and fall into his arms.

Cruise Control through Central California

I'm back from my Fresno mini roadtrip. I stopped by my usual Wednesday farmers market and picked up plums, blueberries, dried figs, lettuce, green beans, zucchini, and then I hopped in my hotel pool like a free-spirited dolphin, it's the next best thing to flying or being free in space. I rinsed off and went shopping at my favorite vintage clothing store and picked out a dress to wear to a friend's graduation this weekend, cute overalls with butterfly embroidery, red tank top with sleeve detail, a purse with airplanes on its side, and a really cute gift surprise - what fun! Then I had a scrumptious dinner at my favorite chicken pot pie shop complete with cooked carrots, mashed potatoes, cole slaw and apple crisp for dessert served by the same friendly smiley waitress everytime I visit Fresno.

Watched a little TV back at the hotel and then hopped back in the pool, floated on my back looking up at the stars, wondered if Giuliano was looking up at that same sky. Work was a sideshow - I mainly wanted to feel the road and let it do its magic, listen to the compilation CDs my brother gave me last Christmas, feel the air and sun, and glide through that pool water. I'm revitalized, happy and free again, realizing that not everything is as it seems - and that's ok, just leave what's not good for you behind with a clear conscience. Toodles.

Just Drive

I'm taking off in my Impala to Fresno for work this afternoon, staying overnight tonight, working tomorrow and then driving back. That's a 3-hour drive each way, 500 miles roundtrip, 96 degree weather there - thank goodness, my hotel has a pool, so I'll get some pool time and a bit of color, always make the most of work travel. I've packed up my mixed compilation CDs, Italian language CDs, some snacks, water, and I'm ready for the road with a full tank of gas. The open road always helps to clear my head as I put pedal to the metal and speed away from all that irks me and gets under my skin, sing to my songs, scream into the wind, leave it all behind temporarily as I work through it. Road equals peace of mind.

Contend with the Aviator

I rented "Aviator" today - what a wonderful movie about going head-on against the odds, fighting monopoly, the government despite personal set-backs and debilitating mental disorders. Well done, well acted, and Cate Blanchett deservedly won the best supporting actress Oscar as sprite charming Katharine Hepburn, Dicaprio pulled all the stops on intensity and articulation as Howard Hughes. Now I'm watching the finale of the "Contender" as my friend Chris said Giuliano looks like one of the finalists Manfredo, I see some similarity minus those boxer teeth. My Giuliano is a boxer too, but a sweet one in my eyes. He definitely looks you in the eye like boxers do at the start of the match but very warm and sweetly with me. I've always secretly liked boxing from the days of Muhammad Ali and "Rocky", that connection of fist to body to face, good old-fashioned fighting it out, no need for technology, no need for change. Just like a warrior, you keep moving forward no matter what stands in your way, go out swinging and you'll eventually take off and fly.

Beyond Bitterness

There is a world of difference between friends who are your rock who are genuinely concerned for you who you value the opinion of because they see clearly through all your muck and drama without hazing their view with their own issues. And, then there are others who want to put their bitterness on you and want to make you a part of it by dragging you through their ugliness that rears its head after they are tested and are forced to see their own true colors. I had the last of that experience today from someone I thought I knew from someone I called a colleague and friend across three jobs. Well, no more, she is written off as she is bitter beyond repair, called me naive, said I was living in a fantasy - well, I'd rather be naive with an open mind and heart than plain bitter anyday. Her bitterness and judgement stops her from seeing anything beyond her own cemented closed-in walls, she doesn't know what she's missing in life, love and happiness.

You really don't know your friends until you travel with them or live with them. I didn't talk about this during my previous blogs because I was so enamored with mi amore that my focus was completely somewhere else, but she did some things in Costa Rica that I wasn't too happy about, the trip wasn't totally wonderful. THANK GOD Giuliano came to save the day when I met him, right at the moment when I was at my wit's end when I had enough when I needed space and a place to cool off, I rarely need to be saved but on this day I needed him. He was my angel, and he doesn't even know it, one day he will. Forces beyond comprehension put you in places with people who make everything right as rain again, that is Giuliano.

For Us

I saw the final episode of "Star Wars" yesterday, and I completely enjoyed it for its special effects, characters and how it tied everything together from all of the stories that make up Star Wars that I have seen and experienced throughout my whole life, literally. Star Wars was timed perfectly for people of my age cohort as the first or episode IV was released in 1977 when I was just 5. Episodes V and VI were released as we were growing up, and then episodes I-III were released when we were/are adults when we could understand the story a bit more and appreciate how far the story had come roundabout. With episode III "Revenge of the Sith", we witness it all coming together, questions are answered, understanding of all the character relations are obtained. It comes full circle - wonderful, absolutely wonderful. It was like Star Wars was made for our specific generation to grow up with and enjoy - love that! Yoda, Obi One, Darth Vader, Luke, Leia, Han Solo, Chubaca, R2D2 and C3PO are classics, forever, epic. May the force be with you.

Search for Salsa

I am so exhausted right now from literally walking around town. I wonder how many steps I took, I'll take my pedometer next time. I walked all the way up Polk Street to the Fisherman's Wharf, munching on cherries I picked up from a local store and feasted on fried calamari at the Wharf - yum! I walked by what I thought was just a shrub, but a man behind it shook the shrub and growled and made me scream out of total fear and surprise, I nearly dropped my iPod - ha! I noticed a crowd of people across the street watching the whole thing and I realized it was some kind of candid camera, human behavior blooper scene. I laughed at myself and quickly scurried away. Hee hee, that kind of stuff only happens to me.

Then I walked all the way back through North Beach, our little Italy, and Chinatown then through Union Square. I stopped by four different places along my walking journey looking for a DVD to teach me how to salsa dance. I want to learn at least the basics so I can impress Giuliano the next time I see him. Hee hee. He tried to teach me a little the last time, but I just couldn't get it. I can freestyle dance all night, but doing any sort of routine, I just can't get my body to coordinate with, nope. With a little practice and time, maybe I can learn to shake my bootie to another tune "for him".

Freedom of Expression

I just sent Giuliano my first nicely translated email message via the translation website my friend recommended. I told him about the website too, but he'll be so pleasantly surprised at the lengthy communication I sent him, fully expressed and so freely. It felt so good to tell him exactly what I wanted to say in proper Spanish grammatics without fear of meaning lost in my broken Spanish. I was feeling so frustrated before at the limited phrases "hi, my love" "I miss you" I could communicate to him, but this website has freed me completely, I can breathe and let it flow.

Thank Goodness for Technology

Thanks to my friend Rem, she suggested that I use a free translation website to help me decipher Giuliano's Spanish emails after a month of flipping through my Eng-Span dictionary and forwarding his emails to friends for complete translation, one mistakeningly that was a little too...uh...personal - "too much information!" Ana said - oops! The website will be much better, hee hee, and Ana will no longer feel violated. It can also help me translate my English to proper Spanish so I can now freely express myself to him without erroneously plugging Spanish words and phrases into English grammar format like I've been doing. Yey! Freedom of expression, there's nothing like it! I'm going to forward him the website link too to help him translate his Spanish or Italian to English. The art of communication via technology - awesome!

Words in Time

Bewildered with the broken tongue
Of wakened angels in our sleep -
Then, lost the music that was sung
And lost the light time cannot keep!

There is a moment when we lie
Bewildered, wakened out of sleep,
When light and sound all reply:
That moment time must tame and keep.

That moment, like a flight of birds
Flung firm the branches where they sleep,
The poet with a beat of words
Flings into time for time to keep.

- Archibald MacLeish (1892-1982)

~ By the end of a poem, the reader should be in a different place from where he started. I would like him to be slightly disoriented at the end, like I drove him outside of town at night and dropped him off in a cornfield. - Billy Collins

Just a Mess

I returned from back to back trips to LA and San Diego, and needless to say, I am beat. But the temperatures are rising, lots is happening, and I'm trying to narrow it down to determine when I can see my baby next. Honestly, though, it's frustrating because being the American woman that I am, I'm trying to read between the lines in his Spanish-written emails, but maybe there are no lines to read between. When I was with him, he told me straight out what he was thinking, feeling, wanting and that's it, there are no games, no ifs ands or buts, it's this is what I want and what I want is you, me. I try to keep that in mind. But in the meantime, my little studio is a mess with work paperstuff, bags that need to be unpacked and sorted, laundry that needs to be done because everything is sprawled on the floor, and I'm still feeling nauseous even though natural happenings this past week lead me to believe that I have nothing to worry about. Don't know, life is a wonder, and I am smack in it. I'll just sit back in my iJoy, beer in hand and I'll try not to let the mess around me bug me.

Run with It

Just got back from vacation in LA. Life is a-blooming! Went to the Walt Disney California Park for its 50th anniversary, screaming on the Haunted Hotel ride, lunch with a co-worker, good laughs and commonality, catching up with an old flame, went to a Hawaiian musical performance with Keola Beamer, back with the old flame, "Crash" again and..., Aloha Expo Hawaiian Festival with mom and friends, yummy food, hula, Tahitian guys shaking their booties, and swimming, lots of swimming, maintaining the Costa Rican tan, body is stabilizing, everything is a-ok. Off to San Diego for work and dinner with friends - woo! Lot going on, love it!

Poem

I ran up the door,
closed the stairs,
said my pajamas
and put on my prayers,
turned off my bed
and jumped into the light
all because
you kissed me goodnight.

- Unknown

~ all mixed up! :)

Looking Way UP

Giuliano's business plans are well underway - I knew he could do it! I'm so proud of him! He's still not sure if my July dates will work just yet, but in good faith, I booked my flight via my frequent flyer miles and requested the days off from work just in case, I can change my reservation or rescind my days off later. Giuliano already said that if I come not to book a hotel room, that I can stay with him. Weee! It'll happen, I'm sure of it. Life is amazing when you see things fall into place right before your eyes.

I understand now how people in love have that look, that glow, that contented, relaxed look in their eyes, that easy smile because I feel it. It's such a wonderful release to know that someone out there is thinking about you this very moment, wants you near, loves you, calls you his "little potato" - hee hee. I hope he knows that I'm thinking about him too. I'm sure he does.

Almost Lost in Translation

A friend further translated the email from the other day ~ Giuliano's waiting for me to come back to Costa Rica - awww, he's waiting, he misses me a lot. And then once his business gets underway, then he'll come take a vacation with me here in the states. Ok, ok. I put a hold on a flight back to the land of positivity and harmony, "Pura Vida" in early July as originally planned to celebrate our July 6 birthdays together. A full week together - oy, can we handle it? Hee hee. I just have to confirm the dates with mi amor and then I'm on my way. I still have some colones left from my last trip because I had a feeling I'd be back.

I went to my doctor's today and told him my concerns. Being my doctor now for seven years, he cares about me and is concerned about my health and well-being. I told him the whole story about Giuliano, how we met and how it grew into something else, something that could be real, who knows as it's in the stars. He was happy for me and told me he has no criticisms of me and told me that anyone would've gone for it if they were in my shoes given the circumstances and given the man who wore his heart on his sleeve for me. We'll see if natural occurrences take place in a week, and if it doesn't, then we'll take it from there. I know my doctor will make sure I'm taken care of either way. Oh Lordy, Lordy. Either way, I have faith that everything will work out for the best.

Here with Me

Giuliano emailed me yesterday, and it took me awhile to decipher what he said on my own. Once he gets his business going, he wants to take a vacation and come see me! I wrote him back saying that he could stay with me for as long as he likes - wonder what he would think of San Francisco as compared to Milan and Portofino, Italy and Quepos and Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica. I was actually making tentative plans to go back to Costa Rica "for him", and friends were wondering why he wouldn't come here instead. I never asked him to come here because I thought he would bring it up when it was right for him when he felt comfortable, didn't want to push anything forward too fast - and then he came up with the idea all by himself! ~ let the water flow, let it flow, let it go and something will click into place setting off momentum.

First, his business side needs to fall into some kind of direction, which I understand, which I want for him, before he can come here. I have faith though that that'll happen soon enough. I can feel it as he is pursuing his goals at a consistent, patient pace, waiting for the right opportunity. With him being a July 6 Cancerian, I know he is waiting for that gut instinctual feeling when a good business deal is in front of him. In the meantime, I'm thinking of what we could do around the city and little side excursions we could take. Picturing him here with me in my mind makes me smile.

Birth Day

Armored in red, her voice commands
every corner. Bells gong on squares,
in steeples, answering the prayers.
Bright tulips crown the boulevards.

Pulled from the womb she imitates
that mythic kick from some god's head.
She roars, and we are conquered.
Her legs, sest free, combat the air.

Naked warrior: she is our own.
Entire empires are overthrown.

- Elise Paschen (b. 1959)

~ Happy Mother's Day!

Be Someone's Angel

Life tumbles and turns, you come around and see the light, listen to your body, listen to your heart, follow your instincts and keep your eyes and ears open ~ my instincts often tell me what I need to do next. That instinct told me I needed to visit with a friend on Friday, and it turned out that he really needed me, he needed someone who could truly understand him and what he was going through on a deeper personal level, help him sift through thoughts going through his head that didn't seem quite clear to him anymore. I listened and through my past experiences, I took his hand and guided him through the fog that was bringing him down. If my past pain could help someone I care about through a similar hurt, then my pain is given purpose and meaning, and unknowingly, he helped me understand my own experience and allowed me to make peace with it and let go of it. Share your love, open your heart and not only let in someone who is a part of your life but bring them through to the other side towards their own healing, simultaneously healing your own heart. Take air.

Stay Calm in the Water

I could've freaked out when I fell out of my kayak into the mangrove waters of Costa Rica twice in the dark, but I chose not to because what good would it do? I had a lifejacket on, I just needed to turn the kayak over again, get back in and keep going. The five of us could've freaked out since we were lost in the mangroves at night, but we didn't. We figured we'd get out eventually once our guide got the appropriate help, and we did. If one person started crying and screaming, that would've possibly affected the rest of us in a much different, negative way, but no one did and our guide thanked us later for staying calm. When there is a possible calamity, when the unexpected is thrown in your way, stay calm, know when to stay still and let the waters run through and know when to move forward out of harm's way. Since coming back from Costa Rica, my body has been doing different things that is not quite normal, but it could be because I'm still coughing, could be jetlag, could be some gastro ailment from the trip, I'm not sure. All I can do is take care of my body, wait for more signs, confirmation, and maybe some words from my doctor on Monday.

In the meantime, Giuliano's sweetness still comes through loud and clear even through email, "my love", even through Spanish that I flip through my Spanish phrasebook and dictionary trying to decipher that I still need translated by friends, they share in the joy of his words short and sweet. He works towards his goals, towards the business he wants to build in Costa Rica and that makes me love him more. He tells me he loves me "te quiero", hopes to see me very soon and sends me kisses, "Ciao bella patatina", bye pretty little potato, hee hee. I reply back in my broken Spanish that I love him too, that I hope his endeavors work out well, that he is in my heart and that I'm always thinking of him, that I miss him and hope to return back to Costa Rica in early July. "Un besos", With Love, Maile, "kiss kiss tu". I believe everything will work out just fine ~ have faith and stay calm in the water.

Once Upon a Time - from Bklyn the Musical

Has anyone every read you a fairy tale?
And taken you to places magical?
Where homes are made of gingerbread
and skies are always blue?
Where pumpkins turn to coaches
and wishes all come true?
Has anyone ever sung you a lullaby?
You can fly above the rain clouds
Close your eyes
Let the melody carry you
Leave all your fears behind
and float across the rainbow sky
to once upon a time
I believed in miracles
I believed love would conquer all
I believed anything was possible
and I believed again the moment when
I saw you here tonight
Now once upon a time
Has never felt more right
(Once Upon A Time)
I believed in Miracles
(Once Upon A Time)
I believed that love-
(Once Upon A Time)
would conquer all
I believed anything was possible
Once Upon A Time
Oh.. Once Upon A Time..
That love would conquer all
Oh yeah
I believed that anything was possible
And I believed again the moment when
I saw you here tonight
Now once upon a time
Has never more right
more RIGHT!

~ I believe in miracles
I believe that love can conquer all
I believe that anything is possible!

Just for Me

I need a strong man whose not only physically strong but who is strong inside, confident, emotionally secure, knows who he is, what he wants, solid, strong enough to stand up to me. That is Giuliano. But he can't be just strong. What makes me melt is a man who knows when to be strong, masculine out there in life, in situations and when to be soft, sensitive and caring to his woman still with a balanced confidence. That is Giuliano. So expressive and affectionate, with noticeable softness to me with a smile and a look in his eyes, and it's all over. And it's not cassanova-ish, it's true and sincere, I know the difference as I feel it to my core. I can never look at another man the same way. It's over for all of them. Just Giuliano.

Must be Dreaming - Frou Frou

Pay close attention,
Don't listen to me for now,
George'll be flying this one,
And it's anyone's guess how he does it.

It's right turn wrong universe,
It's taking me in full bloom,
Fireball careful with that there,
See what you made me do?

I must be dreaming or,
We're on to something.
I must be dreaming for,
I don't fall in love lawlessly.

I must be dreaming or,
Pinch me to waking.
So undeniably yours,
As long as I'm losing it so completely.

Incendiary glance,
Be come and collide in me,
Zoom in enhance,
Hold while I go helplessly sky high,
Magic eye sugar rushing don't stop.

I must be dreaming or,
We’re onto something.
And just what you make me for?
I don’t fall in love lawlessly.
I must be dreaming or,
Pinch me to waking.
So undeniably yours,
As long as I’m losing it so completely

Euphoria I can't take any more of it...

Euphoria I can't take any more of it,
I'm losing it...

I must be dreaming or,
We’re onto something.
And just what you make me for?
I don’t fall in love lawlessly.
I must be dreaming or,
Pinch me to waking.
So undeniably yours,
As long as I’m losing it so completely.

(I must have been dreaming)
I’m losing,
(I must have been dreaming)
I must be dreaming…

~ I'm smiling walking around San Francisco like a giddy little girl remembering everything from last week in Costa Rica with mi amore. I'm missing him but so happy that he is in my heart. Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Spring Song

The air was full of sun and birds,
The fresh air sparkled clearly.
Remembrance wakened in my heart
And I knew I loved her dearly.

The fallows and the leafless trees
And all my spirit tingled.
My earliest though of love, and Spring's
First puff of perfume mingled.

In my still heart the thoughts awoke,
Came lone by lone together -
Say, birds and Sun and Spring, is Love
A mere affair of weather?

- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

~ It's in the air!

You and I Collide

I went to Costa Rica without a thought in my mind that I would meet anyone special. In fact, I was downright resolute on leaving everything behind, my past, all the hurts. I thought I didn't need men anymore, whatever, it's just me, myself and I for the rest of my life, I was sure of it because I had tried and tried again and again to no avail - forget it, I give up, hang up the gloves, throw in the towel. Just take off out of the country and relax for awhile in a place I didn't know much about but that would be far far away from everything that was my life, running away, flying away on a red-eye, take me away on a temporary solution. Susan and I filled the first half of the week with activities and plenty of time to relax and unwind, and I thought the second half would be more of the same, more relaxation, more time away.

Then BAM! I meet a strong, sweet Italian man who has charmed and warmed my heart, rekindled my spirit, and awoken depths of me that were asleep and stoic. I ask myself how is that possible in just 3 days? But it's done and it has happened, and for some reason I did not hold back like I usually do, let whatever it was take hold of me and let go. Two worlds collided that are inherently different, a native Italian in Costa Rica and a Japanese-American from San Francisco on vacation, but whose souls kindled and sang together as if forces brought us to the same place and the same time to join two puzzle pieces that were meant to be. There is no control, it just happens and it's completely unexplained and awesome in its own right. Forces unknown unveil to me that there is a God and there is such thing as fate. Thank you.

My Giuliano

Yes, I have love for Giuliano - it was amazing during our time spent together.  I emailed him quickly yesterday, and he emailed me back today calling me his "sugar beby" - cute. So happy to see his email in my inbox.  He misses me a lot, te estraño mucho, me gustaria verte.  I miss him a lot too, so much.  I might return to Costa Rica sometime soon to see him again, "for Giulio, for you". "Claro", clear, said his roommate Daniello as he understood there was something more here that developed right before his eyes.  I was thinking of going to Italy to see him during our birthdays but I think it might be difficult on his end.  I'm not sure if he'll be in Italy or Costa Rica by July 6 or not so I'll need to communicate with him.  In the meantime, I ordered phrase books and dictionaries so I can learn both Italian and Spanish, and hopefully he'll learn more English so we can communicate better.  

I've been calling friends, telling them about meeting Giuliano.  Everyone's so shocked that I went to Costa Rica and met someone - that would only happen to me they say, something out of a storybook ~ this is my story.  Even my mom could hear something different in my voice when I described Giuliano to her and the PG things we did during my trip - hee hee. I am so distracted.  Today, I hardly got anything done for work except for checking email.  I can't eat, can't sleep ~ typical signs of love I think. Love.  Love.  Love.  Amazing how life can just turn on a dime.  He's so far away, a true challenge, but somehow, something tells me, it's all going to be all right. His angel, his Charlie's Angel, kickboxing Lucy Liu, freckles, you get it, hee hee. I smile when I think about him.

July 6

After going to the butterfly garden, I scurried off to the hotel pool for some much-needed coolness, being from mild-temperatured San Francisco, my body cannot take long periods of heat like that of Costa Rica. Pura vida, so I did my best. I noticed a very tanned brown man laying out noticed me as I slipped into the pool trying not to be bring too much attention to myself. After some time, the tanned man edged to the pool, and I asked where he was from like I did with so many other people I met during this trip. Italy. Oh, hmm...kinda cute, nice smile, cute brown smiling eyes, muscular arms - ooo weakness. He spoke Italian, Spanish and a little bit of English. I know no Italian, a little Spanish and only English really even though I am of Japanese descent with family lines coming via Hawaii. So our conversation was a mixture of his broken English and easy-to-understand Spanish, my broken Spanish and efforted Italian, and sign language and facial expression, Giuliano y Maile. He lived next door to the hotel renting a room from a friend temporarily originally from Milan and Portofino, Italy, wants to start a business in Costa Rica, uses the pool because he knows the hotel manager. He's going back to Italy in June or July for a few months, returning to Costa Rica.

Making small conversation and offering what little Spanish I knew from high school, my cumpleanos, birthday, is in July. O? Es tu. Quand, When? Seis, six. Big smile, NO, me too! He was born exactly a year before me, and he showed me his crab Cancer tattoo on his right forearm. !!Wow!! We were instantly bonded as we are both big-hearted, passionate, family-oriented, complicated people who all of the sudden understood the inexplicable about each other. Through our broken combination language, we learned about each other, our families, some of our background, showed him my pedicured, pinkish-red toes complete with two toerings, one with turtles and one with Maile leaves. He showed me his tattoos on his arms - snake, crab Cancer sign, elephant, tribal band. I showed him my dolphin with Maile lei tattoo on my lower right back. He asked me what I was doing after kayaking tonight. After my 5-hour lost-in-the-mangroves-in-a-kayak-at-night fiasco, it all began.

Showered off the mangrove waters, compliments of elegance of a black skirt outfit I quickly shimmied on, a blur of a beach club named after the Vikings (? in Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica, I couldn't quite put together the association), lemon drinks, saw my kayaking tour guide together with one of our tour group gals there - aha! I knew something was going on, hee hee, dancing, attempted salsa, twirling, kisses, beach, bought me a boat artistically configured from a banana leaf by a struggling local beach artist, "for you". After the day I had and with his Italian charm and smile, it was all over for me, I gave in to the night.

The next day, back at the same beach, stopped by his favorite local Italian restaurant hang-out to buy me yummy eggplant lasagna and natural pineapple refresher, met his Italian restaurant-running friends Angelo and David, listened to him speak fluent, uninterrupted Italian with his friends, loved it, lovely flowing language enunciated up and down like a song, took it in while I ate as they conversed trying to include me when they could, explained what the gist of the conversation was, he was telling them about me. He locked eyes with me, looked right into the deeper parts of me with those smiling brown eyes, saw me for me, smiled at my freckles at my smile at my face at what he saw on the surface and within, body, heart and mind. I saw him too - a heart like no other, soul of pura vida beauty, friends everywhere all over town, charisma, confidence not egotism, smiling, happy, patient with me, made me laugh even through communication challenges, challenges that are easily overcome, a mind for entrepreneurialism, a do-er not just a talker, strong, so strong, nothing hidden, tells me, shows me what he's thinking, protecting without overwhelming, lets me be me, lets me be free to fly because he is whole, so naturally lovely inside and out.

Dipped into a secluded, romantic ocean cove in the Manuel Antonio National Park with waves crashing over the rocks, he held me, swirling, twirling in the ocean current, laughing, hee hee, splashing, people watching us as we were clearly enjoying the day together. Laid under the trees under the sun, chomping on fresh coconut in his arms. My gosh, what did I do to deserve this, breathing it in, enjoying each second. Later, his beyond delicious Italian homecooking of fish, tomato and avocado salad all tossed with salt, spices, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, so comfortable in the kitchen, wouldn't let me lift a finger except to sip my red wine, "for you". ~ "I must be dreaming or we're onto something. I must be dreaming for I don't fall in love lawlessly. I must be dreaming or pinch me to waking. So undeniably yours as long as I'm losing it so completely. Euphoria...I can't take anymore of...yeah...I'm losing it." - Frou Frou. Yes, I lost it over and over again and thensome, dying to try me, pedicured toes with toerings drove him crazy, make no sudden movements, my God, what did I do to deserve this, him, such joy I've never known. Bella. His little potato in Italian, potitos - hee hee, blush, smile. His little bambina from San Francisco. His Amore. You y me.

Pasta with Italian homemade red meatsauce, yum. Tired, take it easy today, worn out, I always do that, hee hee. Later, chicken risotto, amazing, yes, he should open a restaurant in Costa Rica, San Francisco, somewhere, near, natural talent that needs to be shared, blew me away, "for you". No quiero to return to San Francisco just yet, but alas, it was time to leave. So hard to leave, times so short but hearts a-flying. Promises to see each other again, he will learn English for me and I will learn Italian for him. Unbelievable, unbelievable, unexplainable, unexpected, unbelievable again and unforgettable. Bye, Ciao, tears out of his sight. Milan y Portofino, Italy maybe in July to celebrate our birthdays together - July 6, the beautiful bonding point. Simpatico, a pull with questions unanswered not to be understood until much later I suppose. Will look forward with anticipation in the meantime with hope and a wish for the future, Mi Amore Giuliano. I found someone to live for in this world.

Sonnet 116: Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out ev'n to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.

- William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

~ I finally understand, and after all of my ups and downs, highs and heartache, many frogs I have kissed, I have found love.

Pura Vida en Costa Rica

I'm back and my goodness, I could not have had a better time in Costa Rica where its people live to have a pure life, pura vida, live and let live, help one another, share their warmth openly and willingly without hesitation or reservation. "Hola" and "Buenas" with bright smiles exchanged with everyone, acknowledgement of your presence and your importance on this earth, sincere friendliness opens the pavement to embrace their culture and the heart of the people, and I loved every moment spent there.

Susan had been to Quepos, Costa Rica 3 times previous to this trip, so she introduced me to the area, took me on the local bus to Quepos and Manuel Antonio, acquired colones in exchange for our dollars to eat gallo pinto with fried eggs for breakfast, eat the freshest eggs tasted and local fruits of mango, pineapple, watermelon, bananas, coconut. We went on a sunset cruise where we sailed alongside dolphins showing off for us speeding beside us or flipping through the air in unison, snorkeled and enjoyed the local fish of the sea up close and personal, ate fresh fish and vegetables as the golden, pink and orange sun slowly sank to the blue, turquoise glisten of the water, met Quepos visitors from Mexico City, Amsterdam and Brazil. We went hiking through the Manuel Antonio National Park where we spotted blue, orange and purple crabs everywhere, squirrel monkeys playing in the trees, and iguanas taking in the sun. We dropped into the beach water - ahhh....fish, salad, rice and beans for lunch from a local dive.

The morning of the halfway point was with the butterflies of Manuel Antonio - blue blue morphos, others with tips decorated with eyes of an owl, bright orange against black background wings, heliconius wide wingspan, philaethria dido bright green - what a joy to learn the processes of the butterfly from egg to pupae to caterpillar to free-flying butterfly. "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" - anonymous. Anytime we weren't doing some kind of activity, I was in the Villas Mymosas' tranquil pool browning my skin and swimming off the day and night. Wednesday half-point afternoon is when I met mi amore Italian, Costa Rican for the time being Giuliano at that same pool, my world as I knew it changed forever after 3 days and 3 nights spent with him, more about that later.

But before our time together, Susan and I went tour kayaking through the mangroves, first during the evening light sighting white egrets, an iguana that took a splash just to catch our attention, tiger crabs. It felt so good to be kayaking again as I have done it before in San Diego and Alaska next to the glaciers. Soon enough we were treading through the white, black and pineapple mangroves in the night, and we got lost, even with our guide at the head. I flipped over into the mangrove water twice teased that there were alligators, dirty and dark, who knows what was in there, hanging on a mangrove branch trying to get back in, quite hilarious, added to the experience, can laugh about it now. Lost in the mangroves, we hung onto the side in the current while our guide went for help. Thank goodness the motorboats came for us after what seemed like forever because we were really beginning to wonder if we'd ever make it out. A team effort, calm cool and collected, to get everyone out of their kayaks and into the boats, gather the kayaks and bring them onboard, all under a current that would've pulled us miles out of the way. What was supposed to be a 2-hour excursion, turned into 5 hours, quite exhilarating and unforgettable, I had stories to share with Giuliano on my return.

Let it begin, pura vida. How could I not be different, how could I not change, feel so alive, senses dramatically sharpened and expanded beyond after coming back from this trip, after the natural beauty I saw, the heart I experienced from the Costa Rican people in Quepos and Manuel Antonio and the love I felt from a man I never thought I would meet.

PURA VIDA, all the way.