A True Reference

My friend Dre, a previous co-worker, asked me to be one of her references for a job she is seeking in the San Diego area, a job she really wants. I was honored that she asked me to be her reference, so I took it seriously and thought back to when I met her, when I was asked to be her mentor, her experience and growth since I've known her for nearly four years. The phone rang this morning at 9AM sharp, and as the questions rolled about her ability to lead, to take on a project, what kind of manager would fit with her personality, how is she at handling priorities, would I want to work with her again - it really wasn't difficult at all for me to back her up in my most professional and enthusiastic way because she is a top-notch, sharp-shooter gal and I sincerely believe in her - in her education, her experience, in the strong person she is, in her ability to do anything she sets her mind to. She really wanted this, she said she needed me, I'm there. Good good luck to you, Dre.

The Real World

My new company trainer and I have seen every single season of The Real World - New York, San Francisco, London, Miami, Seattle, New Orleans, Chicago, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Paris, San Diego, Philly - all of them even though they stay young and we get older and older. Every season, I think nope, not going to watch it this time, I'm getting too old, but I get sucked into it anyway somewhere in the middle of the season and I have to catch all the re-runs during one of their marathon Saturdays. It's the original reality show in which seven kids from all over the country of similar ages differing backgrounds with a bit of a mix of ethnicities who are thrown together to live in a snazzy abode in a cool city to see if they'll get along or not. Most of the time, things are peachy in the beginning, but as they get to know each other, personality issues surface, racial lines either educate or separate, sexual tensions sometimes get the best of them, lifelong friendships grow and some kind of drama is inevitable. It's a concentrated, skewed picture of human interaction in front of a camera 24/7, and I love it.

23 Again and Balloon Sightings

23-year-old Alexander, just graduated from Cal Poly San Luis Obispo in mechanical engineering kept stealing glances at me across the table at least weekend's wedding, I knew it but pretended not to. My mom turned to me and asked, "Is that boy flirting with you?" I slyly smiled at her and said, "Mom, happens all the time..." Hee hee. She couldn't help but smile back, she knows me too well. Alex did give me his card...hmm...

Peach-colored string of balloons was released into the air accidentally, looked like a big floating cooked shrimp, made me kind of hungry. Yellow-pink string of balloons next, like a brightly colored Hawaiian lei. Looking for the next string. Quiet, rainy Sunday afternoon before the Oscars.

Dolphin cards say:
Issue: Radical Trust
Past: Entering Higher Dimensions
Present: No Boundaries
Future: Beyond Time and Space
Outcome: Communion

A Tourist's Eye

I get a kick out of watching what tourists take pictures of around San Francisco - a street corner, a financial building, Union Square statues, street entertainers spray-painted all in silver, shop fronts. It reminds me of what I have around me though and makes me look at it all with new eyes. The wonderment in their eyes and their smiles as they pass riding a cable car makes me take another look, makes me look around instead of concentrating on the ground, trying not to trip as I rush around town.
____________
My Dolphin Divination Cards I consult occasionally for fun say:

Issue - High Surf
Past - Island
Present - A Breather
Future - Celestial Sound
Outcome - Integration

Pictures in the Mind of New York City

Good Morning

Good morning, daddy!
I was born here, he said,
watched Harlem grow
until colored folks spread
from river to river
across the middle of Manhattan
out of Penn Station
dark tenth of a nation,
planes from Puerto Rico,
and holds of boats, chico,
up from Cuba Haiti Jamaica,
in buses marked New York
from Georgia Florida Louisiana
to Harlem Brooklyn the Bronx

- Langston Hughes (1902-1967)

This poem will help conjure up a picture in your mind of the lovely blended flavor that makes New York City underneath the couture. San Francisco is the next best thing to NYC minus the snow, thank goodness.

A Walk about Town

I started out this afternoon to find the Buddhist church where I want to take Japanese taiko drum lessons starting next Tuesday, found it, ate lunch in Japantown, walked up Fillmore, down Union across Van Ness, down Polk and up my street finally. Wonder how many miles I trekked today - always something new I didn't see the last time. Tired now but contented.

Fried Chicken for the People

I just came back from serving lunch to the San Francisco homeless people as part of the Glide Church - fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, cooked broccoli, bread and salad. Fried chicken on Thursdays is the most popular lunch served, especially the last Thursday of the month when those on fixed incomes are in between stipends. First, we put together cups with little packets of salt and pepper and a napkin, then we were assigned the food we would serve. My job was to ladel the gravy over the mashed potatoes. With every ladel of gravy, I thought to myself that this is nourishing someone who really needs it and every ladel was dalloped over the mashed potatoes like a work of art with love knowing that someone was going to enjoy this today to the last drop. We must've served nearly a thousand people this afternoon, and Glide does this three meals a day everyday!

What perspective this experience gave me! In between servings, I stole glances at the population we were serving as they gobbled down their meals hungrily and appreciatively - people of the everyday, people who could easily be you and me. Some of the regular volunteer staff were part of a program to obtain on-the-job training to get themselves off the streets and into a better life - wow, good for them, good luck to them. One silent elderly lady with the sweetest constant expression who has volunteered everyday for years known as "mom" places a fork on every tray as it passes by. One man thanked us all and hurried away, but really, gosh, it was so worth it to do this, to give back to the community and to be a part of something I don't normally do. A little community service goes a long way as we all have something to share with others who are less fortunate who need our help. Just by doing something out of my box like this for a few hours, whatever drama that was going through my head really seems like a drop in the bucket right now - and we enjoyed some chicken too after our work was done!

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once, I once was lost,
but now am found
I was blind, oh but now I see

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have, I have already come
'Twas grace that brought me
safe this far
And grace shall lead me home

The world shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine
But God, who called me here below
Will be forever mine

~ SING it, Aaron!

Gene - Three Months Behind Me

His body was phenomenal - that's what I remember of him. And I never felt so safe as I did when I was in his strong, muscular, protective arms. Everything else is a faded memory of intensity of the one man who lived with me for three months, who was close to my heart because he was near it everyday for that time period. He was one who did not deserve me, but I let him in, his "angel" as he said, the trusting, naive soul that I am. But I leave it at that because enough time has passed, all is forgiven, left behind and I know now that he brought my ability to love to another level, however, I do allow myself that lovely warm memory I had in his arms.

Back in the West

Ahhh...back in the house after being gone for a little over a week, seems like a long, long time though since I left. Philly was getting mighty too cold for this Californian's blood, but I had to stop by Southern CA first to see the folks before coming home. Went to see the Neville Brothers in concert with no expectations, but I was pleasantly surprised by the natural soulful harmonizing talent of the Brothers, especially Aaron. I was brought to tears by his rendition of "Amazing Grace" with his own soul gospel style that cannot be replicated, soft but complicated, the room was silent and held still captivated by his crooning. Attended an elegant wedding of a childhood friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was held outside in the OC, and amazingly, the consistent rain stopped an hour before the wedding in answer to everyone's worrying and prayers - Daphne's father who unexpectedly passed away last year saw to it that his first daughter's wedding was perfect, and it certainly was. Good to see her and her family again, lots of champagne, fun boisterous table, dancing to fairly cheesey 70's music til late. Met my good friend Sherri's second baby Stephanie just 9 weeks old, focused on my eyes, welcome to the world baby girl. Finally enjoyed the independent hit "Motorcycle Diaries" - completely inspiring, such wonderful shots of the South American road and landscape, beautiful charismatic actor, eyes that tell so much, bought the soundtrack - can't wait to give it my undivided ear. I've always wanted to go to Chile for some reason and Machu Picchu, the Sacred Valley of the Incas, has always drawn me - someday...it's just good to be back for now.

5x5

With all this good eating - filet mignon, crab cakes, wild mushroom ravioli, peanut butter pie, lots of wine - I'm going to be a 5x5 by the time I get back home!! Hee hee.

The nine of us came from different "clicks" from our regional group, from CT, NY, PA, NC, SC, FL, GA, CO and CA, varying experience and ages - I think they think I'm just a kid, they thought I watch "OC" (ha!) - but we're all coming together through this common experience of leaving our familiar ground to a company who took us over, leaving our familiar procedures and technology behind for a more organized, set, disciplined way of work as opposed to our hodge-podge, figure-things-out-as-you-go, uncertain-of-what's-next style.

I think they'll have a time discliplining us to fit into their system because we're kind of like that spoiled child who always got her way and never looked back. But we'll come around eventually, we'll scream and stamp our feet in the beginning playfully, a bit rebelliously yet well-meaning, but in the end, I think we'll really appreciate the systems they already have in line, and the support already felt from the people in-house we've met so far. The next wave of us are coming in a couple weeks, but we broke through the gates as the first group to come over to the other side.

And no I haven't called blue-eyes yet, but I'll be back 3 times next month...! Hee hee.

First Class to Philly

SFO direct to PHL in First Class - woo, like being a queen for 5 hours! - roomy seats with lots of legroom, jealous coach people giving me the eye - hey! I've been there!, no fighting for the flight attendants' attention, sandwiches, biscotti, chocolate-covered pretzels, ohmy!

There are small administrative new systems to accustom to and hurdles to jump over internal company paranoia, but all in all, in comparison to where I could've been and reports I'm hearing from my other colleagues, training in R&D confirms it's the place where I belong. Plus the trainer is very patient with all of our questions and concerns, welcomes us with open arms, leaves the floor wide open for honest and candid discussion, and plus he's kinda cute! Ha! Everything works out the way it's supposed to if you let it.

Philly cheesesteaks to ya!

Simply U2

Bono, The Edge, Larry and Adam - simply a beautiful band of strong loving heart, longevity, humility, and a rare ability to touch each and everyone in their audience.

Love is a Place

love is a place
& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skillfully curled)
all worlds

- E.E. Cummings (1894-1962)

Happy Valentine's Day! as I prepare to fly off to Philly to a new beginning.

Resounding Horoscope

From SF Weekly (Cancer sign):

"...Real love is being smart together. If you weave your destiny together with another's, he should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen your perceptions, and boost your IQ. Your relationship should be a crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world works..."

Conclude: I deserve better than all of my juicy past put together.
This is not you, you or you.

Oh Ahhnold

Skinny, awkward, Chinese guy had a crush on me in high school - shy, stuttered when I tried to small talk him, a bit nerdy, was in the Science Club, carried the same grey faux-leather Prince tennis racket bag I did, that annoyed me. One time he followed me down the long street that led to my house, so mad - turns out he lived in the house at the end of the street, mad for nothing, sorry for those looks I shot you, like my backhand. Hee hee. Graduated, went to college, left high school behind.

1st day of school of my 2nd year of grad school at San Diego State University in the Public Health program focusing on Health Services Administration in a general course, chatting with my classmates, in comes a good-looking, tanned, cut, Asian guy with lavendar contacts - somehow he could pull it off, looking hot! Went around introducing ourselves - Maile 2nd-year HSA major, Arnold 1st-year epidemiology major. NO! Not Arnold, yes, ohmygod! What happened to him? because he looked fiiiine. I was dumbfounded, mouth dropped and hit the desk as I whispered to a friend who he was and how I knew him.

We played cat and mouse for a few days, and then we finally spoke incredulous at what a small world it was. He went to UC Berkeley and really let his hair down, relaxed, worked out, built confidence - it was like one of those afterschool specials where the quiet guy in the back becomes a frontman, luminous and charismatic - incredible, thank you UCB for whatever you did to that boy! We played tennis, hiked and he took me to a lovely dinner in La Jolla, romanced me and boom, we were immediately drawn to each other. He admitted to me that I was his big-time high school crush, cute, and after a moment, smiling, I told him I knew, completely floored him, c'mon girls know these things. I told him how I thought he was following me home that one day. Hee hee - he turned a crimson red, same color as his shirt.

Eventually, it didn't quite work out, but ohhh the memories. He's actually somewhere in San Francisco too last time I heard, and his parents still live down the street from mine. Ok, I reunited with Michael from junior high and Arnold from high school - now if only I could hook up with Richard whose a doctor now who used to chase me around elementary school. Ha! - that would just make my life complete.

Adieu for now

"Hi Everyone,

My last day with Medical Affairs is on Monday 2/14/05, and I will be going onto R&D right away with training the very next day - no time to waste! It was my pleasure to meet you and work with you all.

If you find yourself in San Francisco, please feel free to give me a call as my contact information will remain the same. Take care, and as for my fellow R&Ders, I'll see you on the other side!

Sincerely,
Maile"

My email to my colleagues as I exit and begin anew. Lots of responses were received of well-wishes, good-lucks, miss-yous and exclamations of "See you on the other side!" Party tonight with friends and co-workers!

Seven Years of Change

I said good-bye "for now" to my Los Gatos site today - it's a small world, we could work together again on another protocol, who knows. I'm moving onto another department starting on Monday, which is almost like going to a completely new company given all the training I'll be having in the next month and a half and all the new people I'll be meeting and working with. As I drove home, I passed by my old company in San Bruno and then by another previous company in South San Francisco - I was driving passed my past. Three different companies, three parts of a pathway of progression to where I am professionally now.

When I first moved up here, I rented my own studio apartment in San Leandro, lived there for a couple years, learned about living on my own, sometimes the hard way, established myself and made some friends. Moved to Oakland in an edgy neighborhood and lived there for a little more than four years, continued to grow into my own, discovered the arts over again, traveled all across the country for work and fun, nurtured friendships that have grown lifelong. And now I'm living in my own condo studio in the heart of downtown San Francisco where I've dreamed of living, in the thick of it, in walking distance of so much, with a beautiful view, working from home, having the best of both worlds of being at home and traveling here and there.

When I packed up my car to move up here seven years ago at 26, I don't think I would've imagined my life to be the way that it is.

I have so much, I see it now.

Ready, Get Set, GO!

This new company has warmly accepted us and has given us the dignified welcome, encouragement, support and organization that I was looking for from my almost-past company in total and wasn't getting. I can see from the thought-out communications and the systems in line that have been laid and are continually forming that there is a clear pathway to success with my new group. Plus, with the friends I'm taking along with me, it's going to be all good from here on out. One more site visit in Los Gatos on this side, tie up the loose ends, and I'm out and onto something much better than I could have imagined.

Truthfully, I'm not in this for the money (although who are we kidding, it wouldn't hurt!), but I want the experience of it all and I want to feel good about the work that I'm involved with and the reports and follow-up that I turn out. And the people I work with, they've got to be of both inner quality and earned experience, they've got to have heart about our job and the people we collaborate with because they affect me and resonate within me no matter how independent and strong I am on my own.

Philly - we will be the first wave of trainees, pioneers if you will! - and home again to HH are next week, plus concerts and travels to Costa Rica are coming up - it's all coming together, finally! Yey!

British BART guy

I know I've been writing a lot of about guys from my past, but it's so much FUN! After some time has passed, I like to remember the "good stuff" because the good stuff is really all that's worth holding onto.
Plus, everyone loves this story.

Coming home from the Ghirardelli Chocolate Festival a few years back, I crammed into the BART to the East Bay. The car was packed because a football game had just let out so I was smooshed, standing against one of the car doorways and had no choice but to look forward at this guy in front of me - he was looking at me. Small talk, he asked what I do, got around to telling him my family is from Hawaii, he's here from England, an IT guy at a company on the penninsula, always wanted to live in the Bay Area, la la la, nice to meet you, here's my stop as he was going on further on the line. Thought nothing of it, kind of cute with his British accent.

Many months later, I was riding the BART back home to Oakland again and the train stopped at 12th Street in downtown Oakland to pick up more passengers. I was sitting near the window closest to the station side. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a dark-haired guy waiting for the train, he got on and sat behind me, then he switched seats in front of me, I never looked at him directly. "Excuuuse me, is your name Maile?" Wh-what? (I'm always sort of in my own little world) Jogging my memory, he remembered what I did for a living and asked if I'd been back to Hawaii to visit with my family. Click. Excited exchange of numbers, wonderment at the chances of seeing each other again on the BART, of all the trains, of all the times, of all the cars, other passengers were smiling at us - hee hee. I exited and skipped to my car.

Our 1st date was great fun, Middle-eastern food, bellydancers, flowing conversation, things in common like we both wanted to learn how to fly, although he wanted to fly "heleecoptahs" as he Britishly pronounced it - cute. He seemed like a positive-thinker, full of life, regal, eyes on the prize as he was trying to make a name for himself as an IT god, things were going well. We talked, emailed, chatted, whatnot, then by our 2nd date, his real self came out - rather negative, aloof, full of himself, unrelateable, must be that English thing...He took me to Greens, a Zagat-rated vegatarian restaurant, he was a vegetarian - hmm...if a man can't enjoy a hamburger once in awhile, could I handle that, me being the foodie that I am. Then he started capping on Americans, our perspectives, our way of life...to an American, I capped back, blocked out what I said. Nope, uh uh, there were other signs that I should fade out, so I did, but it was quite an experience, a story I had to release.

I hope he's doing well, wonder if he's still here. So when I see a "heleecoptah" outside my window, I can't help but wonder if that could be the British BART guy. I smile and carry on. Go well, my friend (c'mon, say it with a Brit accent!).

4th Generation Japanese-Americans

My friend once told me that 4th-gen Japanese Americans are "playas" - ha! After I told my brother that and he turned around, and with a satisfied grin declared, "I'm a playa", I thought I was going to laugh my ass off! Heeeeehee. It's all right if someone else says you're a playa, but you can't say it about yourself! Although, you know I've been told, I am a playa.
Hee hee. Hee hee.

Where the Streets Have No Name - U2

I wanna run, I want to hide
I wanna tear down the walls
That hold me inside.
I wanna reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name.

I wanna feel sunlight on my face.
I see the dust-cloud
Disappear without a trace.
I wanna take shelter
From the poison rain
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name.

We're still building and burning down love
Burning down love.
And when I go there
I go there with you
(It's all I can do).

The city's a flood, and our love turns to rust.
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Trampled in dust.
I'll show you a place
High on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name.

We're still building and burning down love
Burning down love.
And when I go there
I go there with you
(It's all I can do).

- My all-time favorite U2 song ~ hear the crescendo in the beginning, my eyes widen and my spirit comes alive

Glide into Sunday

Just came back from church services at the Glide Church down the street on Taylor. It had been some time since I last attended a service there, was in need of some spirituality, so I tumbled down Taylor. What a wonderful, enlightening, enlivening morning spent with such an open-armed, non-judgmental, non-forceful of its beliefs church complete with gospel choir and jazz band - love it! For quite awhile now, I've been wanting to try out for the Glide gospel ensemble - they don't turn anyone away - because I do love to sing, although mostly done solo in the shower or car. I just need to get the guts to go! The church also provides community services to the homeless, seniors, families and children - I've signed up on the volunteer list and hope to be a part of it soon. It's a beautiful day!

Eagles Called to Fly

I can see my Philly Mike pulling on his Eagles jersey as he gets ready to watch his team enter the Super Bowl against the New England Patriots later on today. Finally, his wish is fulfilled, and I can see that great smile on his face as the excitement builds.

Mike G. and me in the copy room some four years ago at PPD in Bluebell, Pennsylvania where I visited quarterly to straighten out my site files - the copier kept jamming relentlessly and he helped me finish my work, flirted, I was friendly yet professional with a smile. I knew he was younger than me by quite a bit, and I knew he thought I was about his age. Straight out, he asked me if I was his age, 23 - uh no...a bit older. 25, no...27, no...28, yes (almost 29). That east coast straightforwardness, no beating around the bush, I think you're cute approach took me off guard, and all I kept thinking was, "Who IS this kid?" Ha! He was cute though, and he always met me in the copy room whenever I had a job to do somehow to sweetly help me out and distract me. But being the professional that I am - hee hee - I went about my business.

A day went by and he found out which cube I was working out of, and he asked me out to lunch. Wh..what? "You gotta eat right?...it's just lunch" with that smile and those eyes the color of the ocean. Blush, smile, all...right...and it's all history after that. Hee hee. Every quarter after that, he'd excitedly wait for my arrival, take me on different adventures out of my box - hiking through the lush forest along the creek ("crik" as Mike said), fishing in the "wudder", running through cornfields, playing basketball, soccer and football, picking wildflowers, picnicking during our lunch breaks, driving through the Amish country, shoo fly pie, a trip to Atlantic City, Philly cheesesteaks from Mocia's, bonfire on a farm with friends, beautiful Fall colors, rides in my many rented Ford Mustangs ("you're the Mustang lady"), captain and cokes, corrupting me, his home cooking of fish and his famous broccoli and peas, and screaming unbelievable, huh, I'll never forget. He said I am special to him ~ blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl, ohh, the sweetest thing.

But alas, he was so east coast and I was too west coast and there was no meeting in the middle, plus my project was coming to an end and thus my visits to Philly as well and we'd both started new relationships. After everything was said and done and I told his boss off for unjustifiably firing him for not fitting into the corporate mold when he couldn't speak for himself or burn any bridges, we became good friends through it all. What great times, but it was time to say good-bye and go our separate ways.

I remember that last time I saw him a couple years ago - that same great smile and eyes of ocean blue, a vision that never left me. I hope your Eagles fly today, Mike, and take it all the way. My new company is based in Philly, so I will be going out there on a regular basis again. Maybe I'll give blue eyes a call.

Feelers vs. Soothers

Just had a thought about what separates us - see, I do my best thinking when I'm in the shower or when I just wake up. My theory to add to the books - there are the feelers and the soothers. I am a feeler, where I act like I'm cool on the outside, unemotional, cool as a cucumber but on the inside I'm vibrating with emotions right at the surface at the ready to come out at any invitation. Then, there are the soothers who are truly cool on the inside and are sincerely empathetic when called upon but who need feelers to bring out this quality. Feelers do not belong with feelers because we are combustible, compatible on some levels - too compatible for comfort sometimes! - but on all levels in total, it just doesn't work. Soothers can't be with soothers because they have no work to do if there is nothing to fix and/or to level out. Feelers must be with soothers to balance out the world in love, work and play. All right, I got that off my chest. Good night - I'm still resting bigtime from my week of heavy-duty travel. I'm only human...

$30 and the Farmers Market

The San Luis Obispo farmers market inspired me to eat healthier and take better care of my body, so I took $30 in small bills and walked to the farmers market at the San Francisco Ferry Building this morning. I bought organic yogurt, honey, avocadoes, tangerines, romaine lettuce, rotisserie chicken, fresh-cut hyacinths, apple smoothie. My threaded re-usable bag and arms were full and my legs were tired, so I hopped on a cable car up California Street and chatted it up with the operator. Great day - woo, all that healthy shopping wore me out - ha! Nap time.

U2 and Duran Duran

Cindy and I are living up the 80s again via U2 and Duran Duran concerts in Phoenix and San Jose. Nothing like live music to take you out of your world and awaken your senses again and again - I can hardly wait!

Unimagined Magnetism

I've seen it many times - I'm in an empty waiting room reading a magazine, someone else joins me and sits right beside me without saying anything when many other chairs are available; I'm sitting in an airport waiting to board a plane where people allow for each other's personal space, someone always sidles up and sits right next to me; I walk down the street minding my own business, people walking in the other direction veer and collide with me when there is plenty of walking space; people tell me things they don't normally talk about to anyone else all the time; friendly dogs come by my side and lean on me. I don't know what it is, but I get kick out of it sometimes.

Rainbow Lining

Back from yet another plane trip from Salt Lake City (you think I love that place now, hah? - not! Ha!), above the land, instead of seeing the silver lining of a cloud, I saw a rainbow form several times among the mist. Lovely sight, a splash of unexpected color. And then as my trusty Bayporter shuttle drove me home across the Bay Bridge with the San Francisco downtown skyline to the right, the combination of colors of the evening blue and the sunseting pink was ultimately pleasant and comforting as I realized they were the same exact colors of this website. Nice. Life changes are just around the corner, but rest is in order bigtime first. Get better soon, Tammy - you need rest too. Good night.

Inside Actors Studio - Bravo!

I love the show "Inside Actors Studio" on the Bravo channel, especially after seeing an interview with actor Benicio Del Toro this morning. Acting is such a wonderful philosophical study of human behavior, and I love it when actors go deep into their craft like Del Toro does with all of his mind, body and heart - and he's not in it for the fame. Such pure passion for what he does, and he loves it, relishes in the research and the details of it all, in the process of delving into the mind of each character he plays, the other characters involved and the big picture. Of course, he enjoys the monetary rewards he gets from his work now, but that wasn't his main reason for wanting to act. He enjoys acting and everything about it - we should all be so lucky to love what we do for a living like that.

The famous questions from Inside Actors Studio asked of every artist invited for an interview (and my answers if you will):

What is your favorite word? Heart
What is your least favorite word? Good-bye
What turns you on? Strength
What turns you off? Confinement
What sound do you love? Pounding ocean waves
What sound do you hate? Slamming doors, blaring horns
What is your favorite curse word? Fuck it all !
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? Pilot, Racecar Driver, Astronaut
What profession would you not like to participate in? Trashman
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? You've done good, Maile

Laying Low for now

Through my recent travels, I've decided to lay low right now independent of everything else. This is not due to any one event or person - I just think I've been focusing on all the wrong things in life, looking to others to make me happy when it is I who needs to make myself happy, find things in life that fulfill me, give back where I have only taken in the past. I no longer want to look to someone else to fill the holes in me because that leads me nowhere. I need to fill them myself dealing with them head on, lightly, with a sense of humor, whole-heartedly, not running away anymore, not burying my head in the sand waiting for someone to rescue me. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally drained. I need my rest, let things fall into place where they may, push and pull where I need to depending on the situation. Have faith basically, let it ride, and eventually I'll come up for air when I'm ready. Just wait and see.

1160 to Home Sweet Home

My spedometer read 1160 when I pulled into my parking spot late last night after a roundtrip roadtrip from here to Southern California and back. Exhausting and beautiful, memorable, lovely - thank God for cruise control is all I have to say.

I stopped by UCSB on my way back up, called Cindy who attended as well back in the day and I play by play told her how things were the same, what changed. Lots of new buildings that I didn't recognize, still plenty of bikes and bikepaths as the students have the righter way on this campus, the sun was shining clear and bright against that familiar blue blue sky, lots of our old eating favorites were still there - Freebirds, Woodstocks Pizza, the Blue Dolphin Cafe. Laid back students clad in tanks, shorts and slippers on cell phones carrying laptops - we didn't know what those were back in good ol' 1995. I was wearing a tee shirt, jeans and slippers so I blended in. I got asked to join a couple campus functions, I took their pamphlets, went on my merry way and didn't bother to tell them that I'm a 10-year alumni. Hee hee, I'm feeling like a dinosaur right now, but it sure was good to be back in my college era for a couple hours minus the studying and papers.

I stopped by the music library and my old boss Cathy was still there. As I approached the desk, I just smiled at her not knowing if she'd recognize or remember me. Eyes paused and second-glanced - MAILE??!! She remembered! Hee hee. She looked the same, a few more grey hairs, but she was the same Cathy I knew when I was a struggling student with boy problems (actually some things don't change - ha!). The music library looked the same too - classical LPs neatly stacked and painstakingly numerically catalogued, the reel to reels are no longer used given new technology but the consul still stands as a testimony to what was, student employees maintained book stacks (the "stacks" where I took naps when I was supposed to be straightening and Cathy knew it). Ahh...the memories and the people I met.

The campus looked much smaller than I remembered even with the new building additions, but the memories live on and bring many smiles.